Wednesday, September 2, 2015

A Beautiful Life

This time of year I continually find what I call filigree leaves. 

They fall from our birches, and are the work of caterpillars munching away high in the branches. I think they are beautiful. 

I love the idea of a creature creating something so lovely just by living out its days. 

If we could all be so lucky. 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Rainy Days

We've had a string of rainy, cool days. I'm missing my mom. Rainy days are hard, and I'm sure snowy days will be harder. 

Time marches on as it always does and mom isn't coming back. That thing that happened isn't a bad dream. I am not immune to tragedy. 

Mom, being the Scot that she was, always loved a misty, rainy day. I do, too - that Scottish blood, you know. But it was always best when I had her here, sharing a book and a deep conversation, a cup of tea or a glass of wine. 

Mom. Where are you. We had such plans for this summer. 

Monday, August 10, 2015

Turning Corners

The weather has definitely turned a corner in the past week. The air is drier, crisper and so are the plants. Potted plants are starting to get overgrown and straggly, waiting for the time I will trim them back, or replace them in early fall.  Some of my ferns and bleeding hearts have given up entirely. 

The sun is rising later and it's just beginning to get light out when I rise at 5:45 most mornings. It puts me in mind of one thing - school. 

School starts in four weeks and that means a couple of things. Henry starts junior kindergarten this year, and I'll be spending another year supply teaching. Unlike what's around the corner of the weather turning, I don't know what's around this particular corner. I have hopes and dreams for both Henry and myself. It's going to be an interesting fall. 

Thursday, June 4, 2015


Today I kayaked up the river joining Maple and Martin lakes.  I crossed two beaver dams, portaged around a waterfall and eventually turned back when I came to a set of small rapids.  My goal had been to make those rapids - which I had seen while snowshoeing through the woods.  Next time, I'll cross them and go farther. 

Friday, May 8, 2015

The Greening

The air is full of just budded, misty green leaves.  

Spring peepers fill the marshy spots with their incessant ringing.

Scents come alive and drift into memories. First loves and lost loves. Places we've left behind.

The smell of my toddler's neck slicked with humid curls. 

The sight of my four-year old's excitement over a newly sprouted plant.

Spring holds all of these things.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015


And just like that, the ice is out.  

It went out yesterday while the rain lashed and the wind howled. When I woke up, there was about a third of the ice left. The wind had jammed it hard up against our shore. 

It was completely gone when I got home at 3:30. When Henry noticed, he shouted, jumped, danced, and hugged with joy. "We have WATER, mommy!"

I am equally thrilled. After a long, difficult winter, it's good to see warmer, easier days coming. 

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Tough Going

I hadn't snowshoed since my mom died until today. 

My sister in law, Leanne and I went out earlier today for a hike, and it was tough going. I've never worked so hard at snowshoeing. Since I haven't  been out, there were no trails and no base. We tried to walk on snowmobile tracks, but even that didn't help so much.  

We went across the field, and through the  swamp. It was deep. So deep. We made it to the place where I usually enter the woods to go up to the first beaver pond, but the snow was just too deep. Absolutely impassable. We turned back, hiking along our path through the swamp. I wasn't done, though. I NEEDED more time alone, more time in the woods. 

I set off for a short hike through the woods, and down to the lower field. 

Sometimes the hardest things we do are the most important. The hardest things to say, feel or do physically. Sometimes we need to push through to the other side. Today I needed physical exertion and silence. I needed to get back outside, where I haven't been since my mom died. I feel everything when I'm alone. I needed to face this today.  I'm glad I stuck it out, but it was tough going.